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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27237751">in a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44'>j_whirl44</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Healthy amount of flashbacks, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Look it's more 174 fic I don't know what else you expected, grieving together</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:34:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27237751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Zolf allows himself a moment of remembrance, with the help of a friend.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Commander James Barnes &amp; Zolf Smith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>in a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Zolf’s been moving ever since they crashed down because he can’t think about doing anything else. He’s first mate, it’s what he’s supposed to do. He gives Earhart a look every now and again and they share a moment of grief and understanding and then leave each other to do what they need to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Except now there’s less work to be done and there’s nothing to really do except sit and wait for the ship to get fixed so they can continue on their mission, whatever that is anymore.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s avoided the graves as much as he can. He allows himself to look every once in a while, and he usually sees a kobold or two surrounding it. Keeping a sort of watch, he doesn’t see the point really, but he’s not one to get in the way of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Finally one night he blinks and finds himself staring down at the buried bodies, the mounds of snow cover them. Makeshift headstones sit at the top. It’s pitiful but it’s all they could do. Cel put them together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hands are curled into fists at his side and his chest feels hollow as he heaves in and out. He stares at Oscar’s grave unblinking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~_~_~_~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It’d been at least six months since Prague when Oscar found him and recruited him for this new mission. It had also been about three months since he had the falling out with his god and he still didn’t know how to deal with it. He had no legs and no faith, just a little burning of something in the pit of his stomach that kept him going day after day.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So when he joined Oscar, it was safe to say he wasn’t up for talking, and he didn’t for at least three weeks. He did the protocols that were asked and he was sent on scouting missions alone. His request, much to the Harlequins displeasure. It’d been a long time since he worked with anyone...since them.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>One night after a debrief Oscar finally had enough and all but locked Zolf in the room with him and forced him to share a drink and talk. It was tense and awkward and neither of them were really enjoying it but as the night went on, Zolf did feel himself become more relaxed and Oscar even smiled once or twice. They weren’t quite friends yet, but there was a little corner of the wall Zolf built up that crumbled down because of it.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~_~_~_~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was so long ago now that Zolf doesn’t even remember where they were at the time. Some safehouse somewhere, trying to fix the world back when they still thought they could. That damn persistent feeling of hope that’s never gone away, even now, as his closest friend lay dead in the ground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zolf looks over to the next spot. Howard godsdamn Carter. He shakes his head and he can’t help the bitter laugh that escapes him. He never thought he’d have any emotion about the man than utter annoyance. He was brash and foolish and hot tempered, but he was, admittedly, good at what he did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~_~_~_~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“And where did you find him again?” Zolf asks.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I believe he just escaped prison,” Oscar replies.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Great,” he mumbles.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“He’s slippery that’s for sure, but it’s what we need right now, Zolf,” Oscar states flatly as he returns to his paperwork.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Not slippery enough to avoid jail, apparently.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oscar pauses as he looks up. He’s staring behind Zolf with a look on his face that shows he’s lost in thought, “I believe he was...in business with Hamid and them, a while back,” he says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Zolf tenses at that and looks to the ground. He hasn’t let himself think of Hamid and Sasha in a long time. If this new recruit knew them, well… “Fine. What can he do,” he says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oscar gives him a look of passing understanding before he answers, “He’s good at sneaking. Getting around red tape and corners we might not be able to. He’s,” he pauses, “he’s a bit of a Sasha,” he finishes.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Zolf snorts and shakes his head, “I doubt that.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Carter was though, as much as he hated to admit it. He could pick any lock and he knew the places to hide in any location they went. He was impressive when he knew how to stop talking.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>That being said, he’d talk the ears off anyone who’d listen, or even if they didn’t. He annoyed Zolf on most days, but there were the occasional nights where he’d offer up some rum and they’d drink by a fire and he’d half listen to the story of whatever trap he got caught in doing whatever it was he did. Sometimes Oscar would join in and those were nice because it meant he didn’t have to talk at all. He felt the wall collapse further after every one of those conversations.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~_~_~_~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sees his breath as he takes another long exhale. He hasn’t blinked in what feels like hours and his eyes are burning because of it. He finally looks away and squeezes them shut.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He thinks of the people he’s lost often. Feryn. His father. His mother. His pirate crew.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sasha.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t get easier with time, he knows this. He thinks about how he needs to add two more names and he hates it. He doesn’t want to. It feels bad, like a sour taste in the back of his throat that he can’t swallow down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He still remembers the way Oscar looked when he found him. Broken sharp wood straight through the chest with the blood dripping down. The bastard never had a chance. Zolf landed the ship as best he could and he still couldn’t save them. He shakes his head, it wasn’t his fault, but in the end, wasn’t it?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t see what Carter looked like but Azu filled him in later, it sounds like his was even quicker. That’s the smallest comfort he can take in this; that neither of them suffered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hears footsteps approach behind him and he doesn’t bother to look. He didn’t really care to talk to whoever it was anyway. The visitor clears their throat and Zolf relaxes his shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You okay then,” Barnes says. He doesn’t answer. Barnes talks another few steps forward so he’s next to Zolf and lets out a long hefty sigh of his own, “Yeah. Me either,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stand in silence for a few moments. Barnes speaks again, “You know when Wilde asked me to come on I almost said no,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zolf just shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s cause I heard I’d be working with you,” he laughs. Zolf eyes widen a bit but he’s really not all that surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~_~_~_~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Zolf himself opposed it when Oscar first brought it up. “That navy brat? What’s he got working with the Harlequins,” he said.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oscar sighs, “Good people are in short supply these days, Mister Smith. Intel states he just went AWOL. An incident with what we believe was probably an infected commanding officer,” he says.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>He relaxes but only slightly as he hears that.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oscar crosses his arms over his chest, “He’s a good sailor,” he says, Zolf bristles at that, “We can use his information on how meritocratic agencies work now. He’d just be too useful. I know you two have a past but so did we if you’ll recall.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“I’d rather not,” Zolf mumbles.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oscar smirks at that and waves a hand at him, “Very well. Point is we don't have the luxury of grudges anymore. I expect you to play nice.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>All he does is grunt in response as he leaves the room.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~_~_~_~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah. Yeah I guess I was the same way,” Zolf says. It doesn’t seem like the time but he laughs anyway.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Barnes follows suit with one of his own, “we’re a long way from Dover,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That we are.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another moment of silence. Zolf’s eyes find the graves again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could see him lying there. Carter,” he pauses, “When I was caught up in that tree,” Barnes says softly, “He didn’t move. Most I've seen him still since I met the bugger. Part of me didn’t want to think why that was. Don’t think I even processed it until I was brought down.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zolf tenses as he listens. His fingers pressing into his palm to keep the tears at bay. “Yeah. Found Wilde...his was quick,” he offers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Barnes nods, “That’s all we can hope for at this point, right,” he says, “for any of us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zolf can hear now the whistling of the wind in the trees nearby and that’s what he tries to focus on as if to not fall back into his own head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re a real sad lot, yeah,” Barnes says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Zolf smiles at that assessment and lets out a strained laugh. “The last thing I want to see is the look on either of their smug faces if they saw us like this,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Barnes laughs and looks out into the treeline in front of them. Despite the time and place, Zolf feels light.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s the guilt and the pain and the image of limp bodies still in the front of his mind but at least for this small moment he can laugh in remembrance of fallen friends with someone who knew them too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He feels Barnes’ hand fall onto his shoulder and he looks up at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m still with you,” he says, he squeezes his hand. Zolf nods a short nod of thanks and gives Oscar and Carter one last look before he sighs and turns back towards camp.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two walk together in a silent reverence.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((</p>
<p>:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((</p>
<p>thanks for reading ????</p>
<p>i'm sad it's fine.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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